Dementia can be damn funny

Let me set the scene…

My grandmothers kitchen. Nanny is sitting at the table reading the paper (upside down), and in an… outfit… pajamas, 2 pairs of socks, crocs, a bathrobe… explaining that her coffee pot won’t work. (Shockingly – when you put oatmeal in it, it doesn’t.)

Then the LifeAlert man, Rocky, showed up and my dad Dennis showed up.

So Dennis, Rocky and I set off to get LifeAlert up and running. Success! Easy – some moving of things had to happen, but overall super easy. The way it works is that the receiver and speaker is in the back bedroom. When you activate the system by a)pushing the button or b)pushing the HELP button on the receiver or c) the smoke detectors go off – the LifeAlert person picks up sound from the receiver and the persons voice comes out of the speaker. The button is just a button the signals the speaker to dial for help. Got it? Right – pretty simple.

Now it’s time to test the system. So we test the receiver, and then we have Nanny test the button. Then we test the smoke alarm, and the CO2 alarm. Then I get to test the 911 thingee – which is super fun (sorry local 911 providers).

And we’ve reviewed with Nanny 3 times why she has the button, what the button is for. How to push it- she practiced pushing it… and voila – its all good.

So – we’re now standing in the kitchen. And the phone rings.

Nanny answered the phone by pushing the LifeAlert button.









And then she had a conversation with the button.

Nanny: Hello

Nanny: Oh yes, she’s here.

Nanny: Oh she’ll be happy you called. Mmhmmm oh yes, I’ll tell her to call you.

(my dad and I are hiding our faces in our sweatshirts because we’re laughing so hard)

Me: Who was that Nanny?

Nanny: Oh it was a nice young man, he was calling for you. I told him you’d call him.

Me: Gee, thanks.

 What – oh wait? You don’t get why its funny. Read from the top… don’t worry, I’ll wait.

YES – that’s right. The button doesn’t produce any sound. NONE. Not a peep from the button. omg. Seriously.

Comedy. My Dad and I were literally standing with our backs turned and our faces in our shirts at this point. I know – right, its damn funny.

I realize I have a wacky sense of humor, so if you don’t find this funny, I apologize. Or if you’ve been down this road and don’t find it funny, I’m sorry. But – sometimes this shit’s funny.

Also funny, Tom Cruise came today. Yup – he sure did.

And her friends from LA, Bob and Juanita came today to see the baby. Because they hadn’t seen her yet. (No idea whose baby, btw), oh and Bob and Juanita are in FRANCE currently. Jebus.

And to start the day off, Nanny called Dennis at 530 this morning because she heard someone in her house tell her that he’d gone to the hospital and she wanted to know why, and why did he leave last night, and a few other questions.

Okay – so maybe those last things aren’t funny – but seriously, the phone thing. Totally was.

Just promise me that if we’re friends when we’re old and gray and I’m out of my head – just put me somewhere nice. Shit, if I’m out of my head, I probably won’t know – so just put me somewhere. Promise? Fantastic.

And remember – when your phone rings, don’t try to talk to your necklace, it doesn’t typically talk back.

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5 Responses to Dementia can be damn funny

  1. kirsten says:

    Oh man….okay, so yes – funny….but dude, I’d be worried she’d burn the house down or something! Is she still living by herself?

    Don’t worry girl…we can be in the home together…we’ll use our canes and remember the flag girl days. Maybe knock some teeth out of our heads…LOL

  2. Kelly says:

    Okay, you’re right. That shit is funny. Even funnier… you were standing right there but

  3. Kelly says:

    Odd. Just published by doing nothing…

    Okay, even funnier. You were standing right there and she wouldn’t let you talk to him. She just took a message for you. Gal, you’d think she’d put you on the phone/button. ha

    Oh geesh. This is going to be a long, long road.

  4. Joanna says:

    I’m totally with you. It’s funny. Sometimes we have to remember that laughing is good therapy. Hang in there, I’m sure they’ll be lots of great new stories 🙂

  5. April says:

    This makes me feel like I need to do some cross word puzzles or something to exercise my brain.

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