Let me set the scene…
My grandmothers kitchen. Nanny is sitting at the table reading the paper (upside down), and in an… outfit… pajamas, 2 pairs of socks, crocs, a bathrobe… explaining that her coffee pot won’t work. (Shockingly – when you put oatmeal in it, it doesn’t.)
Then the LifeAlert man, Rocky, showed up and my dad Dennis showed up.
So Dennis, Rocky and I set off to get LifeAlert up and running. Success! Easy – some moving of things had to happen, but overall super easy. The way it works is that the receiver and speaker is in the back bedroom. When you activate the system by a)pushing the button or b)pushing the HELP button on the receiver or c) the smoke detectors go off – the LifeAlert person picks up sound from the receiver and the persons voice comes out of the speaker. The button is just a button the signals the speaker to dial for help. Got it? Right – pretty simple.
Now it’s time to test the system. So we test the receiver, and then we have Nanny test the button. Then we test the smoke alarm, and the CO2 alarm. Then I get to test the 911 thingee – which is super fun (sorry local 911 providers).
And we’ve reviewed with Nanny 3 times why she has the button, what the button is for. How to push it- she practiced pushing it… and voila – its all good.
So – we’re now standing in the kitchen. And the phone rings.
Nanny answered the phone by pushing the LifeAlert button.
And then she had a conversation with the button.
Nanny: Oh yes, she’s here.
Nanny: Oh she’ll be happy you called. Mmhmmm oh yes, I’ll tell her to call you.
(my dad and I are hiding our faces in our sweatshirts because we’re laughing so hard)
Me: Who was that Nanny?
Nanny: Oh it was a nice young man, he was calling for you. I told him you’d call him.
Me: Gee, thanks.
What – oh wait? You don’t get why its funny. Read from the top… don’t worry, I’ll wait.
YES – that’s right. The button doesn’t produce any sound. NONE. Not a peep from the button. omg. Seriously.
Comedy. My Dad and I were literally standing with our backs turned and our faces in our shirts at this point. I know – right, its damn funny.
I realize I have a wacky sense of humor, so if you don’t find this funny, I apologize. Or if you’ve been down this road and don’t find it funny, I’m sorry. But – sometimes this shit’s funny.
Also funny, Tom Cruise came today. Yup – he sure did.
And her friends from LA, Bob and Juanita came today to see the baby. Because they hadn’t seen her yet. (No idea whose baby, btw), oh and Bob and Juanita are in FRANCE currently. Jebus.
And to start the day off, Nanny called Dennis at 530 this morning because she heard someone in her house tell her that he’d gone to the hospital and she wanted to know why, and why did he leave last night, and a few other questions.
Okay – so maybe those last things aren’t funny – but seriously, the phone thing. Totally was.
Just promise me that if we’re friends when we’re old and gray and I’m out of my head – just put me somewhere nice. Shit, if I’m out of my head, I probably won’t know – so just put me somewhere. Promise? Fantastic.
And remember – when your phone rings, don’t try to talk to your necklace, it doesn’t typically talk back.