fidelity

**Warning – long post. long post thats probably out of character for this blog. soooo… Warning**

fidelity.

adultery.

cheating.

dishonesty.

casualty of marriage.

lie, cheat, steal.

I don’t get it. When you get married – you make a promise, a covenant-  in fact…. Hell a legal agreement, to be true to and be with one person. You agree to forsake all others, you agree to not cheat, you agree to be honest to, and committed to the person your standing up there with.

I don’t get when a different choice is made, or why.

It sickens me.

John Edwards, you sicken me. I think your a despicable human being who cheated on your wife. Add to that the 4 children you have – oh I’m sorry the FIVE children you have as of last week, and that your wife has incurable breast cancer. You make me want to vomit. You toured the country speaking to our needs, to challenges inhernent to our country, to deal with domestic issues – poverty, homelessness, issues that touch us. I supported you, I wore your button, I spoke highly of you and I think your pretty shitty now.

Oh and you dumbass Oracle guy. On the council for Economic Recovery. You and your 8 year affair – can get in line. Whoever put the billboards of you and the blonde up around the world should be applauded.

Tiger Woods – really 14, your craptastic., Morgan Freeman, Bill Clinton, on and on and on.

And so many more. Really – I’ve had enough.

I’ve had enough because it makes me question – at what point does their infidelity take away from all the other things they’ve done. At what point, do you look past the “indiscretion” (don’t get me started on that word, and its lack of punch) and value the person for there other strengths… I just don’t know. I don’t know if I can. At what point do I say – well John Edwards brought to light the ugly side of the US, the impoverished, the disadvantaged…. soooo I guess I can overlook that he cheated on his wife. for a while, and fathered a child, and paid her through his campaign. And lied, repeatedly to the world.  At what point do I say – you know what Bill – all your work for the Haitians, and others in crisis, for Katrina, and on and on – I can forget Ginnfer, and Monica and the blue dress… At what point… At what point do the other things, mean more than than one thing to me.

I dont know. I don’t know and I wish I did… Because I dont know…

I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to look at a person – and not even a famous person – and tick off that box. Every. Time. I see them. Every. Time.

And yet – the newsmedia says “why should we cover it” “why does it matter” – it matters because it sets the example to people in america. it matters because when you’re famous you say one thing and do another… you jeopardize more than just your world, you jeopardize mine. It matters because when marriage becomes a casualty – that’s personal to me. It affects me every day. 20 years later, it still does. every. day. I still question, I wonder – Will I ever fully trust? Will I ever to be able to cross the invisible line of trust? Will I always feel jolted when a person of fame or friend or acquaintance turns out to be a cheater. I feel it personally. I feel it. I. feel. it.

I just don’t get it. It hits every. single. nerve. that I have – this issue does. It highlights many many touch points for me. I am saddened, sickened and just disturbed by this issue of infidelity.

I could say more – I’ve said more and erased it. I’ve tried to tie this to my own life, and how this one issue. JUST this one affects me every day. Every. Day – and I can’t. Its too hard. Its too painful. Its too personal – but I will say this. Every single thing about me – is touched by this issue. Everything.

So look – here’s the deal. I’m not having a breakdown, nothing is wrong. I’m just tired and disappointed and sad to hear again and again about infidelity on the TV. It is upsetting to me. It sets a precedence and really. It makes me ill.

So yeah – I couldnt keep it inside anymore, so I’m letting it out. Sorry/Thanks.

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2 Responses to fidelity

  1. kirsten says:

    You should be a writer because THAT touched a nerve. I know you feel it personally, and I understand and agree with you – even though I haven’t lived it. I was just watching Ted Haggard and his wife on TV the other day and she wrote a book called “why I stayed”. I don’t know – I guess each situation and relationship is different…I don’t know what I’d do honestly.
    I’m so sorry this affects you every day. I wonder if other people in your life realize that?

  2. Rose says:

    I wholeheartedly agree with you, Alison. Very passionately well said.

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