getting my hopes up

and then getting smacked by reality.

is the story of my week.

But.

I can feel my self doing it – one conversation turns into hopes. up. excited about possibitlities – and really lets be clear, its not even possibilities it’s the possibility of possibilties. one conversation where I dont feel the need to censor and the topics bring specific images up… breaks the general feeling I’m sporting, and puts me in a good place and wishing hoping wishing for more and those tiny possibilities of possibilities become… big thoughts of happiness and joy and…

 

then reality.

 

hits.

 

and theres another sick baby and there shouldnt be. another old soul has died and pretty sure the unit is going to soon oh and then theres…work. i blew a major topic at work. i effed up a significant piece of work. i’m behind on things i didn’t know i had on my plate, and im contemplate joining the circus. im not prepared for something i had to lead, and i havent done laundry in weeks. oh yeah and the possibilities up there are really… distant and not really possibilities and i need to move on but i cant because of the possibility that they will turn into something ive thought about for a long time. 

 

omg. thank god its friday i can’t do this another full day. my head is making me crazy.

 

so thats all – just needed to get it out of my head an onto some paper and maybe that will reset reality. and my random hopes. into something that is palatable.

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